This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
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dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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