my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
