The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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