so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
where are my eyebrows?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
