we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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