i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
