She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
