I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
