you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
