dude i'm inner monologue high
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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