I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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