dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
