My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize