i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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