hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
