Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
