I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
