Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
