I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
