fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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