He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
