i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
