i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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