We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
