you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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