Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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