hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
