good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
