Do vagina's smell?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
