I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
