if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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