There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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