At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
