Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dicks are not precious.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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