dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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