11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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