I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
