I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
