We're facebook friends in real life
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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