I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
