Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
