I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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