wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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