Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
