Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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