Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
