hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
