Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
