Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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