My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he just fucked me for my cheese.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
