drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
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just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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