its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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