Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
