So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
