I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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