And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
