a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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