I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
