why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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