just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When are your genitals available?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
